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Yet another England Carry On
19/06/2010  by Guardian.co.uk
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Fixture against Slovenia could send the whole project, £6m Italian super-coach and all, back to the drawing board

At the insistence of their manager, England's World Cup opponents prepared for the match against Algeria with a private screening of The Battle of Algiers, Gillo Pontecorvo's harrowing 1966 film depicting scenes from their country's war of independence.

Had Fabio Capello been choosing his squad's pre-match movie from the same fateful year for English football, he might have chosen Carry On Screaming, a Pinewood production starring Kenneth Williams, Joan Sims, Charles Hawtrey, and, as PC Slobotham and Sgt Sidney Bung, Bernard Bresslaw and Harry H Corbett.

Once again England, under their £6m manager, played as if their script had been written by an untalented farceur. To draw level with Slovenia at the top of the group, to give their morale a boost, and to allow their manager an untroubled celebration of his 64th birthday, they needed to win tonight. Instead they laboured to a goalless draw with a performance measurably worse than their opening display last week against the United States, with whom they now share second place in the group.

At least they managed an early goal in that one, a feat they never looked like matching tonight .

Watched by Prince William, the president of the Football Association, and Prince Harry, they laboured without coming close to scoring their second goal of the competition.

On a day when Germany, so authoritative in their opening victory over Australia, astonished the world by missing a penalty and losing to unfancied Serbia, England missed the chance to show that they are capable of improving as the tournament progresses.

At least there were no goalkeeping gaffes. Few England players have been so exposed as David James was tonight , called in by Capello to replace Robert Green, the goalkeeper whose bizarre error allowed the USA to hold England to a draw on Saturday in Rustenburg.

James, who will be 40 on 1 August, is a 6ft 4in sometime Armani model, a frequent contributor of thoughtful columns to the Observer, and owns an estate car that runs on rapeseed oil.

He has played for England, on and off, since 1997, amassing 60 caps without ever quite managing to establish himself as the unquestioned successor to Gordon Banks, Peter Shilton and David Seaman.

He holds the Premier League record for keeping clean sheets, but is probably better known for occasional inexplicable mistakes that brought him the unfortunate nickname of Calamity James.

Given the squad's No 1 jersey, he was upset to be dropped in favour of the ill-fated Green for the opening Group C match, and let the management know it.

Tonight he performed confidently enough, as modern England goalkeepers often do until fate intervenes.

Algeria also changed their goalkeeper, Raïs M'Bolhi taking over from Faouzi Chaouchi, whose error presented Slovenia with a winning goal less than 24 hours after Green's embarrassment.

England's idea of testing the newcomer's nerve extended little further than a series of harmless shots from long range.

Their line-up including two of James's Portsmouth colleagues, Algeria enjoyed far less possession of the ball, but for lengthy periods the most dangerous attacker on the pitch was not the vaunted Wayne Rooney of Manchester United but the north African side's Karim Ziani, who plays for Wolfsburg in the German league.

The chants of "England!" occasionally overwhelmed the persistent drone of the vuvuzelas, which sound rather less insistent now that South Africa are almost certain to be eliminated and the local fans are losing their initial fervour.

After tonight's display, England's supporters will be fearing the same fate. The match ended with booing and next Wednesday's fixture against Slovenia in Port Elizabeth could send the whole project, £6m Italian super-coach and all, back to the drawing board.

With many teams abandoning the caution of the first set of matches in order to try for the wins that would put them in a good position to qualify for the knockout stage, the matches are becoming more open and exciting.

Today'sother match in England's group, between USA and Slovenia, was a cracker of a 2-2 draw, with USA coming back from two goals down and scoring an equaliser through their coach's son, Michael Bradley.

This tournament is giving nepotism a good name.

Diego Maradona's son-in-law, Sergio Agüero, had a hand in two of Argentina's goals against South Korea on Thursday.

Unfortunately Fabio Capello's son, Pierfilippo, is a lawyer by profession and, as an Italian national, unqualified to get England out of the hole in which they find themselves.

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